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Access your position. Please have your blood pressure to hand.
Forgotten your passphrase? So has the Compliance Department. Proceed anyway.
Position summary
3 – 2
Your position is currently up.
- Remain calm.
- There are eleven minutes of the quarter remaining.
- Do not open the xG against tab.
- Your dividend will be distributed in the 88th minute, after an unnecessary scare.
This is a parody. There is no account, no position, and no passphrase. Nothing you typed left your browser.